Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize