i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
