please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
