Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
