god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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