I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
