can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
