i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
