Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
