You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
