I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
