So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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