omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
