I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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