So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize