FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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