Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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