I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
