Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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