Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
