why didn't you poke me back
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
