Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
