Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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