guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
