he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
