I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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