I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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