I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
