apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
