i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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