Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
