dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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