the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
