i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
