good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
