dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
