Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
