Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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