I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
is wine microwaveable?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
