mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize