yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
