I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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