I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
