i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
