So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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