I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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