Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
