I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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