I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
