god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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