My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
