A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
