dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
