Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
