I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
