Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize