I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
