what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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