you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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