dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
