i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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