dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
