worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
