I wanna passion pit in your ass
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
