Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
