hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
