it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
