soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So many bounce houses so little time
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize