I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
