What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
