The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
a search helicopter?!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
