You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
