she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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