Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
