so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
