T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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