ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize