he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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