the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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