my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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