im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
