thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
