she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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