2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize