ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
