I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize