Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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