i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
