Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
