i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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