just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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