they need to just BURY HIM!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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