franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
