saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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