Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize