Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
